usually when we have sorority events i get super anxious and feel like no one likes me and just feel like a complete idiot since i don’t have a ton of friends in it.

but today we had this dinner/ get together and everyone really liked me and i was really fun and funny

because

i drank before

it’s really sad

i knew this would happen but i seriously would be a complete bore if i hadn’t done it, you know?? we did the same thing last year and i was all withdrawn and anxious and i cried on my way home because i knew know one wanted to be my friend but now people were like “omg i didn’t know you were so funny” and its just reinforcing me to do this

and i just

i dont want to have to rely on alcohol to have a good time but tbh it’s the only thing that works right now :/